Not without my daughter-a father's struggle for his family
What have we learned during the 2½ years in the struggle for our daughter:
2½ years ago our daughter was kidnapped.
I use this word by purpose because it is how IT feels and that's the way we both see it. Kidnapped by the state due to vague suspicion that later proved not to be the truth.
A miscarriage of justice for her, our little princess, and for us, her parents.
A miscarriage of justice that 8 professionals agree upon has happened and the case has also been brought into the European Human Rights Court. (Read more about it, HERE sadly it is a Norwegian newspaper )We have learned a lot during this time, much insight we wish We had been without.
1. Sorrow is greedy. It darkens life. The joy disappears completely in periods. The colors disappear from the world, food tastes less than it did before. It feels like a bother to eat, something one must do. Little or nothing makes sense except fighting for our child. The days disappear in a blur, one day like the other. Time passes so slowly, but still too fast. She gets bigger each day and every day is another day without her.
We are thinking of her all the time.
How is she doing, is she being taken care of?
She is our first thought in the morning, the last thing we think of before we go to sleep.
The feeling of Missing her is like a knife, an everlasting burning pain.
Knowing that someone else can enjoy her laughter, her beautiful smile, her joy and sadness, is unreal. It's still a comfort to know she's doing well.
Nevertheless, we feel jealous, angry and an all-consuming grief to recognize the hollow emptiness created in our lives.
There are no words that describes the pain we experience.
Never before have I felt such a pain.
It impacts our everyday lives, all our relationships. We see other babies and are reminded of our loss. We meet her 6 times a year.
For each time, she has grown bigger and our loss is becoming more and more obvious.
Our longing for her after each visitation with her is bottomless.
A dark place we cannot get out of.
2. Child welfare has unrestricted power when fraudulent
It is always said that the judicial system is supposed be a security system for the CPS. In order to function in that way, they are still dependent on a child welfare system that tells the truth about the parents.
The whole system is built on this. When child welfare lies, inventing diagnoses, sabotaging, reporting professionals who give the parents good marks to the government in the sole purpose to scare them, do not follow the obligation they have to investigate the situation today, refuse to work with other professionals, Thea it requires brave people both in court and auxiliaries. The judiciary failed in this matter. Those who would provide justice for is and our daughter. And they know it, both judges and psychologists, the lawyers too. They know it. They have read about our case in the newspaper, and know they failed on their post. They know IT in their hearts. But worst of all, they failed our daughter. Those who were supposed to prevent such injustice. They failed in their task of seeing to that the municipalities must operate within the law, also the municipality of Lørenskog. A shame for Norway and a miscarriage of justice. We hope and are sure that Norway will be judged harsh by ECHR in this case.
3. Our love is strong
We, as her parents, have found a renewed and enhanced source of love. No one knows our pain like the other. No one else can fully understand and share the joy of just seeing and being with our princess. I'm so proud of the mother of my child. She walks with her head high despite what the child welfare says about her and exposes her to. She is able to create such a close and warm bond to our girl in the few hours we have together. She is a loving and good partner whom, despite her own intense grief, still is able to find bright moments and share them. She is going to work when she is not overwhelmed by grief. She is grateful that I am fighting for our child tirelessly. I know she loves me also for my effort in trying to protect her from the inhumane system.
The system that seems to aim to remove us as parents for our child.
4. There are good professionals
I have no problem in admitting I had little faith in professionals at all. The evil and nonprofessional way We have been met within the child welfare Is hard to imagine. They use psychological concepts they can hardly understand, much less use to describe others. One loses faith in all the so called "professionals".
But fortunately, we still met someone who was honest, sincere and who takes their profession seriously. Few in the beginning, but AS time went by, more joined in. Today I must say, we know many.
Professionals who can see thru our past, and see that today we are not the same people we were 10 years ago. Who see our resources, our love and our strength.
Who can tolerate our pain, our trauma and are there to offer support. Who can help when we are in the deepest holes and really just want to be alone. We are grateful that these people exist. And none of them, 8 to the present, agree with child welfare assessments. Shocked to the core every one of them.
5. Many share our pain
After we exposed the abuse we have been victims of, we have received a lot of support. Many families tell us about their own cases of abuse and misuse of power within the same system. This shows a system out of control. A system that is unable to manage the task IT is supposed to. Namely, to provide protection and support for vulnerable children and adolescents.
I have tried to assist others in their struggle. It does not lessen the pain to help others, but makes it more meaningful that my pain can be of some use.
6. Children of your own can provide an unbelievable strength to fight
I did not know what strength I had before I became a father. I know I will fight for her until I'm in the grave. She will have the knowledge that her daddy Ken always will be here to protect her. My love for her gives an unimaginable strength to endure everything. Which is needed in this system that just rolls over you. A system where people with the law in hand can say "you just have to get over the loss of your daughter" and consider it as good professional work. And at the same time, they state they are good in helping traumatized parents.
As a man and father, it is unbelievable hard to see ones family tore into pieces in this way. Incredibly hard to see that such a unprofessional service can kidnap one's children, give her a new name and aim to eradicate her Biological belonging and origin.
Indescribable to see my dear partner be depressed and treated as a second-grade human being. And yes, I want to fight, I want to carry on with my battle.
I have always been a proud man with control over my life.
But the child welfare only tolerates total submission.
So, yes I feel like a dog crawling for them many times.
Accepting their rude behavior because it is the only form of "cooperation" they approve of.
We are not allowed to show sorrow and pain, no anger or how bad we feel on the inside. Because there are only some few reactions that will be tolerated in this system. Normal reactions to this trauma will be used against you, be sure of it. And to be honest, what can you do as a father and mother when they keep your child as a hostage? Well, we tolerate everything for her.
7. I am a lot, but first and foremost a father
Little else means anything, especially since I have been robbed of this fundamental right.
Now, all I do revolves around the fight to get her back and give her a good life.
To take care of ones "pack" is the most important thing for all people and also for us.
And she deserves to grow up together with us.
With Her parents who love her the most and the deepest in the hole world.
We sit here today, 2 1/2 years after the "disaster" struck us. Just as convinced that a great injustice was committed now as then.
Traumatized, grieving and shocked by this country, the judicial system and child welfare system.
We have many professionals who agree with us and who are also shocked over the way We have been treated, and the way they have robbed our daughter of her rights.
But we still do not have our daughter home with us.
So, to all of you who read this, we hope you will support the children and their right not to be separated from their families for no reason.